Say a Little Prayer for... Me!

Hi friends and family! 

Thank you so much for your prayers over the last 12 days.  I can't believe it's only been 12 days.  It feels like 12 months.

I said in an earlier post that I couldn't wait to tell you about how I know your prayers are working and that they are being answered.  So that's what this post is about.  There are still many details from the 24 hours after I left him in the jail that are very significant, but once I get the time and energy I will put those down too. 

So you already know about Angel Cop.  I still need to look him up and send him a thank you letter/gift basket/case of wine to show him my eternal gratitude.  Here are the other angels in this lifetime movie saga:

Monday, Aug 30, 2010

Mary Jane accompanies me to Wachovia in Dunwoody to empty out the savings account (which is only under my name) and to open a brand new checking and savings account for myself and my new life.  We walk into the bank at 10:00 am looking stellar on no sleep, swollen eyes, unwashed hair and no makeup.  I stop the first employee I see and say, "I'm here to open a new account."  "Follow me," the young, clean-cut account manager says to me.  MJ and I follow him in to his office and once he turns around to face us from behind his desk to introduce himself, he finds me holding my hands in a prayer motion in front of my chest and I start crying.  "I just have to tell you something (sob, sob)."  I didn't see his face since my eyes were closed due to the sobbing, but Mary Jane later told me that he looked really freaked out!  He might have been afraid I was going to rob the bank or something!  Anyway, I told him that I was getting divorced, I just learned my husband had been cheating on me for 8 months and living a double life, and that's why I needed a new bank account.  He asked me to have a seat and told me not to worry, that he's heard many of these kinds of stories because his wife owns her own divorce law firm.  Mary Jane and I look at each other like, "Can this really be happening?  What are the odds?". 

The banker's name is Ryan Goodman.  I find it interesting that his last name is Good man.  He was so helpful, gave me tissues, joked around with us, told us some of the most awful divorce stories he's heard, ones that are even worse than mine.  My brain wasn't functioning at all, and I had to have Mary Jane help me write the numbers onto the withdrawal and deposit slips because I couldn't comprehend them.  For example, they both said, "twenty-three ten sixty-eight."  And I didn't know where the comma should go when I wrote the numbers down.  There was lots of giggling.  To quote Truvy from Steel Magnolias: "Laughter through tears is one of my favorite emotions."

We got all the bank account info squared away, and Ryan gave me his wife's contact information.  I had 3 different referrals for divorce attorneys and mediators from friends, but Ryan's wife Rachel was the one I ended up going with.  Her office is in a building in Buckhead I used to work in.  It all just fell into place (and into my lap).

Tuesday, Aug 31, 2010

I wake up at 5:30 am since I can't sleep.  I am planning on going back to work, but since I can't sleep and I don't want to wake Mary Jane I head up from the basement to the kitchen at the Goldmans' house.  I check my email and facebook messages on my phone.  I had recently found a wonderful Methodist church in East Atlanta Village that I was planning on joining on Sunday, August 29.  I haven't belonged to a church since Forrest Burdette United Methodist in Hurricane, WV in 1992!  I had previously told the pastor of my intention to join the congregation and I'd felt bad that I missed the service.  I sent Pastor Heather a Facebook message (since we were already FB friends) telling her why I wasn't at the service on Sunday.  I knew she and the rest of the congregation would wonder since they were so warm and welcoming to me when I visited.  She wrote me back and told me that she was so sorry to hear what happened and that I was welcome at the church at any time.  She even gave me her cell phone number and told me to call her any time of day or night and that she would pray for me.  A wave of emotion came over me.  I just looked up and put my hands together in that praying pose and said, "Thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You."  I was crying pretty hard and I felt a tingling feeling on the top of each of my shoulders.  God was touching my shoulders.  I know it.  I felt Him there with me in the dark.  I tried to hold on to that feeling as long as I could, but much like Elizabeth Gilbert's experience in the book Eat, Pray, Love it went away as soon as I recognized it.  But it calmed me so much.  I immediately stopped crying and knew I was going to be ok.  I then said out loud, "I have two Fathers now."  And grinned.

My first day back at work.  I had asked Brandy to tell everyone my situation since I didn't want to rehash it multiple times.  Everyone showered me with hugs and their stories of crazy ex-wives or ex-boyfriends.  Jim and Margie took me to lunch and we shared details about our experiences.  They made me feel a lot better emotionally.  Physically though, I was just sick.  I still don't have an appetite.  We went to Chili's and I ordered a bowl of chicken tortilla soup.  The waiter asked me once if my soup was ok, since I wasn't really eating it.  I told him it was fine.  Then when he came back to clear everyone's plates at the end of the meal, he asked again, "Are you sure there's nothing wrong with your soup?"  I replied, "No, the soup is fine.  I am going through a divorce and I just don't have an appetite, that's why I'm not eating it.  But there's nothing wrong with the soup."  He of course profusely apologized and I told him not to worry about it.  Jim and Margie were just shocked.  I then realized that I need to just tell strangers that I don't feel well or I'm not that hungry instead of unloading my issue on them and making them feel bad for asking.  Lesson learned!  But it was pretty funny. 

Then I went into the ladies room before we left the restaurant.  I was the only person in there, and as soon as I closed the stall door I got chills as I heard the next song come on the speakers.  Coldplay is my very favorite band, I have seen them 3 times in concert so far (twice during the same tour) and I will always see them every time they come to town.  Their song "Lost" started playing from the beginning as soon as I closed the door.  The first two lines:  "Just because I'm losin'/Doesn't mean I'm lost/Just because I'm hurting/Doesn't mean I'm hurt."  I looked up and said, "I hear You."  And I smiled. 

Wednesday, Sep 1, 2010

I met with my attorney Rachel at 9:00 am.  I was meeting her for a free one-hour consultation, but after I met with her I decided that she was the one.  She made me feel comfortable and one of the other attorneys was going to charge me $300 for a consultation, so I thought she was the right choice!  I was having a good day and that afternoon from work I communicated with Justin for the first time since I spoke to him in the jail.  I sent him a very long, detailed but emotion-free email telling him that I had met with my divorce attorney and stating what was going to happen.  Not what I want to happen, what was going to happen.  He emailed me back and seeing his familiar font with an equally cold tone was hard.  It made me really sad.  So I cried on the way home from work.  Chef Greg asked me to stop at the store to pick up some rice vinegar for that night's entree, seared ahi tuna salad.  I stopped at the Publix and was crying while talking on the phone to Mary Jane while I was in the store.  I hung up with her as I approached the cashier with the rice vinegar and bottle of Chardonnay for myself.  The cashier started chatting with me about how much younger I look than what my ID says.  He also complimented me on my watch, which I was wearing on my left wrist and I had no rings on my left hand.  As I was walking out of the store, I realized he was blatantly flirting with me.  I looked up and said, "I'm paying attention."  God was telling me that even though I was sadder than the day before that it was going to be ok. 

I also now am really drawn to butterflies.  I feel like I am in a cocoon and will emerge this drastically different, beautiful, soaring person when this is over.  Whenever I see butterflies, I smile and thank God.  Becca and Eric had a card hanging in their kitchen with this proverb on it:  "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it turned into a butterfly."  I just love that.