What Is Best For Me

Here is the latest email exchange between me and Justin. This is the closest he's come to making a smart ass remark to me, and you'll see I struck back like a cobra. So irritating.

Now that the divorce is final, I've been thinking about seeing him in person and telling him some things that I'd like him to hear. But now I don't know if that's such a good idea. You'll see why based on the email below:

Monday, November 15
To: Justin
From: Erin

Attached is the latest Infinite Energy bill.

I also got a statement today from my GYN office. Turns out that my STD tests ended up costing a total of $73.02 instead of the $26 I initially thought. Instead of me draining the last of the joint checking account to pay the bill, I thought I could cancel the gas and you could pay the $100 penalty fee. That evens out. The thought of my paying for those tests myself is just not fair or right. Also, Infinite Energy is the gas company that I will need to use for my new apartment. So I'd rather have just one gas account in my name versus two.

I'd still like to come to the house this Saturday to pack up some stuff. Do you have any desire to be there and see me in person? I feel like now the divorce is final it might be good for me to get some closure. I feel like I don't have to censor myself with you anymore since it's all done. But I'm not angry anymore. So I don't want to yell at you or anything. Just let me know.


To: Erin
From: Justin

That's fine. I'll see if they can charge the $100 to my new account. I'll let you know; if not I'll drop $100 in the joint account for you to transfer, then close it, or just pay it online since I'll still have the account number in the billpay.

Let me know what time you will be there Saturday, and what items I can move downstairs for you.


Tuesday, November 16
To: Justin
From: Erin
Sent: 10:33 am

I have decided not to come to this house this Saturday. I have two dates this weekend and I just don't want to deal with it. Megan said I could store the king size headboard in her storage unit or I might offer it to the couple I've been living with the last 2.5 months [sidenote - Justin doesn't know where or whom I live with].

Megan and I will come to the house on Saturday, Dec. 4 to pack up the Christmas stuff and the kitchen items (dishes, glasses, cookbooks, etc.) that I want to take. If there is anything in particular you want, mark it or let me know beforehand. Like I said before, I want all the fine china (I will use it every day!) and I want my Christmas china. You can keep the every day stuff. I will leave half of the every day glasses and things that were wedding gifts. I'll also take my DVDs and anything else that I might have left or forgotten about.

I am moving on Dec. 18 and I will arrange to have all of my furniture moved out of the house on that date. So we can discuss details on that in the weeks to come.

Also, I can't help but notice that you are very selective about what questions of mine you will answer via email. Will you please just answer this one for me: If I decided that I am ready and I want to talk to you, will you sit down and talk with me? Obviously you are a coward, but I think at the very least you owe me some face time and an opportunity for me to get some answers if I decide that is what will be best for me.


To: Erin
From: Justin
Sent: 10:50 am

Any time you want to meet is fine. After all, it has always been about what is best for you.


To: Justin
From: Erin
Sent: 10:52 am

What is that supposed to mean?


To: Erin
From: Justin
Sent: 12:28 pm

You'll get a final bill from Infinite Energy; I just started a new account which automatically cancels the other one (so they said). Please forward the final bill to me and I will pay. They said you need to call to arrange transfer of service to your new residence.


To: Justin
From: Erin
Sent: 12:57 pm

Are you not going to explain your comment from your previous email?


To: Justin
From: Erin
Sent: 4:05 pm

Are you going to answer my question or no? Do you really think I should have considered you or your feelings at all in any of the decisions I've made? If so, you're even more twisted than I thought.


And that was it. Still no response from him, and it's been 10 days since this exchange. I think that gives me my answer right there. What is "best for me" is to not have any conversations with him about our marriage. Not in the forseeable future anyway. I can't believe a word he says. There are still some things I'd like him to know (like the fact that he's taken away my inherent ability to openly trust men). But I can always send him a letter.

What is best for me is my new life without him!