A Vinculo Matrimonii

I just received the notarized copy of the Final Judgment and Decree of Divorce. It's pretty simple, really. Just two sheets of paper that say the following:

"Upon consideration of this case, upon evidence submitted as provided by law, it is the judgment of the court that a total divorce be granted, that is to say, a divorce a vinculo matrimonii, between the parties to the above stated case upon legal principles.

It is considered, ordered, and decreed by the court that the marriage contract heretofore entered into between the parties to this case, from and after this date, be and is set aside and dissolved fully and effectually as if no such contract had ever been made or entered into.

Petitioner and Respondent in the future shall be held and considered as separate and distinct persons altogether unconnected by any nuptial union or civil contract whatsoever and both shall have the right to remarry.

The Settlement Agreement is hereby incorporated as though fully set forth herein. Both parties are ordered to comply with the provisions therein.

Petitioner's maiden name should be restored to ERIN MAUREEN RYAL.

Decree and order entered this 9th day of November, 2010."

That's it.

I have seen this document before, but I don't think I really absorbed it the first time I read it a few weeks ago.

The part that kills me is "the marriage... is set aside and dissolved as fully and effectually as if no such contract had ever been made or entered into." It's like this piece of paper dissolves and erases it all. Especially knowing that the last year or more (or who knows how long) of my marriage was a lie, it really is like it never happened. I don't know who Justin is anymore. I don't love him. I don't miss him every day. Sure, I have my moments, but how can I miss someone who doesn't exist anymore? It's not like he's gone, like he passed away or went missing, he doesn't exist. So that's why I have dry eyes right now. The first time I saw the finalized electronic copy of the decree, I got upset. But now that I'm holding the certified copy in my hands, it doesn't faze me.

I received two certified copies of the decree. I figured Justin needs a copy too. So I put one in an envelope with no note and I'll mail it on my way out of the office tonight. I addressed it to Justin Marler.